Grief Ponderings

Grief is such a perplexing emotion. Seems to have a mind of its own. I’ve experienced grief before this recent loss of two of my dearest friends, but not on this level. I wasn’t close to the children I lost as they were babies. The loss of my grandparents didn’t shake me because I just wasn’t close with them. They never got real with me my whole life. The women I lost were real with me. There for me. Answered my phone calls when I couldn’t take another day. They gave of themselves to me by sharing their life experiences. I drew from those stories, learned from them, and reminded myself of them in the battle of hard times.

And now my friends are gone. Both dying within four months of one another. The second to die made the loss of the first feel worse than it did before. I’ll be okay. Honestly I will. I’m not over here hiding under my covers, not brushing my teeth as the world goes by or anything.

But if you know me, you know I have to pick everything apart and look at all of the pieces before I make my mind up on how I feel about something.

So far, what I know is grief stinks. I also know that it’s hard to swallow the tears away and slap on a smile and ignore it. Just doesn’t work. Simple as that.

The platitudes you hear almost make the grief worse. “You’ll see them again someday.” “They’re no longer hurting.” “Up dancing on streets of gold” I’m guilty of saying these statements to others over the years. And if you really look at it, it’s just our humanistic way of trying to make someone who is grieving not to grieve. To feel better.

Think about it this way. We’re always shushing our kids when they cry. We try to intervene and fix the problem so they stop crying. From newborn all the way on in life we do this. Why isn’t it just simply ok to cry? Ok to ball your eyes out, take deep breath and keep going. What would Jesus do? (Remember that saying? Anyone still have a wwjd bracelet?😆) Jesus wept. He cried when Lazarus died.

We humans want to fix other humans. We want to spare them from pain. Somewhere we gotten the notion that we deserve to be happy, we deserve for our kids to be happy. But there will be times when we just simply need to cry I guess. I’ve cried so much in my former life and so much in the beginning of my salvation as I came to grips with my past that honestly I don’t want to cry anymore. I try not to. For now I guess I’ll have to let the tears flow when they do. My mother in law said it best, tears are cleansing.

When my 11 year old started crying over the loss of my second, I just simply let her cry. (My friends were so awesome that they both were respectful to my children, creating a place in their hearts) What could I say to my daughter? What could I do? I told her it was ok to cry and that it would pass soon. In a few minutes she was better and we kept on with what we were doing. I guess that’s what grief looks like.

19 Replies to “Grief Ponderings”

  1. Oh…. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your two dear friends. It hurts my heart, just imagining what this must feel like.

    I think you are right, we hush crying babies, try to get them to stop crying, and we carry it on through life. Yes, sometimes we just need to cry. Tears are cleansing. ‘Jesus wept’ is the shortest verse in the Bible and my one of my favorites. Because it tells us that it is okay to grieve and cry.

    I just reblogged a post about the things we tend to say when someone is grieving, that hurts rather than helps. Oh Amy… I wish I had the words to comfort, to take your pain away. But I remember when my precious cousin drowned on June 3, 2011. I was inconsolable. Nothing that anyone said could take my grief away. I had to grieve until I was done grieving.

    I’m sending ((HUGS)) and love and prayers and tears. ❤❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It definitely is okay to grieve and cry. In the past I tried to suppress it, or I felt pressure to just get over it. But now I accept that I will simply never get over losing my mum and I will miss her my whole life. And that is okay. And I respect that, and I respect my grief and give it the time it deserves.

      Katie

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I recently came across this quote:
        “Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” Earl Grollman

        Grief is the price we pay for love. Your love for your mother is beautiful. Your grief is a testament to the beautiful love in your heart. God bless you, Katie. ((HUGS))

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Grief looks like whatever it is to that person.
    It’s okay to cry, my Amy, and to ball your eyes out. We are here for you, and we’ll help you cry. I’m sorry it hurts so much, and I wish I could give you a physical hug.
    When you cry, when you express your grief, you are teaching your children well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah I hear ya. In a fixer so I’ve always said the things people probably don’t want to hear. That’s why I was proud of myself for just letting my daughter cry and walk her through it. Instead if trying to block it

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Walking with Angie all these years I am very familiar with grief Amy. I’ve dealt with myself as well.

    It certainly comes and goes at will. And it will continue to do so years down the line as something, just out of the blue will trigger a memory.

    And it’s ok to cry and smile over those memories. Both are healing and necessary!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s ok not to be ok. I heard a song on the radio that had verses to that effect. There’s a lot of truth in that song. It’s called Truth Be Told by Matthew West. I’m so sorry about your friends. I’m here if you need to talk. Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am sorry for your losses Amy. One thing I have learnt over the last two years is that there is no right way to grieve. There is only your way. I take comfort in that fact and it makes me feel less pressure. Everyone’s grief is different, even if it is for the same person!

    Take care and look after yourself x

    Katie

    Liked by 1 person

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