Amy’s World

Hi all. I find many drafts of where I have started to write a post to update you all but I never finish them. Some of you have been faithful readers and friends on here and I feel as though I have abandoned you. I know most of you have struggled to keep up with your own blog writing amidst trials and busyness of life and that gives me hope of your understanding.

I wrote down half of a poem but it is pretty dark and depressing, lol. So it sits with the others that didn’t make the cut.

I did send my book to a publisher of my choice. I do know it will be a huge surprise if they take it on. But I really wanted to try even if the odds are low. Just so I can say to myself that I tried. There’s nothing wrong with self-publishing and it surely seems to be the way for the majority. Still I wanted to try. I may try another house should this one say no. It’s like the 5k I ran years back. I got it in my head to do it and I trained myself to run long distance. I ran the 5k and was done with running forevermore! But I cam always say to myself I ran it and I know what it takes.

I am up very late tonight waiting for a call from an on-call surgeon resident. My husband has been very sick the last two days and I am beside myself fretting away. He had to have retroperitoneal lymph node dissection. A very intense surgery where they removed 82 lymph nodes! 82! Who knew there were that many to even take out? The good news is only 3 out of all of them had cancer.

We got him home to begin the healing process after a 3 day hospital stay, for him to turn around and become very ill with stomach digestion issues. He went back to the ER this past morning for fluids and is now back at it. Seems like he can’t catch a break lately. He’s down about it all and honestly just too weak tonight to care one way or another about much.

I keep remembering what my.pastor said few weeks back. Side note: Funny how we can listen to 40 mins of someone talking and grab that nugget and hold to it with all of our might. I sure am grateful for those nuggets of truth to help us.

He said, “We don’t need to beg God. We can come to Him boldly in prayer, asking in faith.”

It was the most freeing statement for me. Once that thought was in my mind, I came to realize just how much I beg God. Daily. Sometimes, hourly. “Please, God, please just do this or that”  I have put a stop to it the most I can. Until days like the last few days. “Please God, he has to keep some fluids down. Please God just put a stop to this so he can get to feeling better.” Almost like a frantic chant rolling through my brain.

Do you find what I write familiar? Did you used to do this until you matured in your faith? Do you disagree with the notion of begging amd think we should be able to come to God however we choose?

I do think He hears any old prayer that comes from us. Whispered on our pillows, chanted in our minds never reaching our lips, to strained words pouring out through our tears of frustration, I think He hears it all. But the advice about coming boldly to God helps me so! Coming boldly gives us a strength that we have to conjure up. Coming boldly means we have to step outside of our emotions, and be purposeful of what we say.

That is all I have for now. Those of you that had us on your prayer list…thank you!

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