Thoughts On Lessons Learned
What beautiful words from a daughter to a loving mother. I hope one day my girls will think of me this way too….
I miss your tasty meatballs, with onions, not cut fine, because you couldn’t be bothered. You broke up crackers into the meat instead of bread crumbs, and after you fried them, I would sneak and pick off the cracker pieces to eat when you weren’t looking. When I came of age, I couldn’t see how […]
Spaghetti days
I see you lurking out the corner of my eye
With your plans to throw my world awry
Releasing your havoc and your fury
In suspense, keeping me leery
I know what you are, I know your game
Since the beginning, your lies are the same
I see you hiding behind those eyes
Concealing yourself in a human disguise
But I can sniff you out and feel you near
hair stands up on my neck, it is clear
You’re trying your game on me once more
Silly rabbit, we’ve been here before
With a shout of praise from my voice;
Jesus on my lips, you have no choice!
Get thee behind me, and do not come back
For it is your turn to be under attack!
This is a portion from chapter 14. I still have a way to go. Thought y’all would like an update. I’m still plugging along with it.
Chapter 14: Finding God
Mike got a job that would keep him gone most of the day. He traveled to the city, an hour away, and worked a full day. I was left at Dad’s to get Lexi on the school bus. My day would then be filled with nothing. I did not have a car, which is good because I would have gone and got pills any chance I could. The sitting still and boredom started to kick in. So one day I wanted to read but had nothing to read, so I picked up my Bible and started at the beginning.
I read about creation and on to Adam and Eve and leaving the garden. I had heard the stories in Sunday School and other outlets, like movies and such, but I had never read it for myself. Little each day I would pick it up and read. Who knew that it read like a story?
One Saturday afternoon, I took a nap. I dreamed of doing crack cocaine with Mom and we were in a van careening out of control. I awoke startled and relieved it was only a dream but I knew it was a warning as well. I cannot tell you how I knew it was a warning, I just knew. That dream could have been interpreted different ways. The gist I got then was that if I didn’t do something, I was going to end up like Mom. See I had always told myself I was better than Mom and not so bad off because I didn’t smoke crack cocaine like she had. (Crazy the way we can fool ourselves.) Another way to interpret that dream could have been that the child within me was me and I was Mom in that van wildly out of control. That I would be contributing to a generational curse of addiction. I wouldn’t see this interpretation for many years to come.
When I woke from the dream, I found Mike and asked him if we could go to his mom’s church in the morning. He said he would drive me but he would not go in. At this time I was desperate to go, but not desperate to walk in the doors alone. So I called Mike’s mom Alice and asked if I could ride in with her if Mike brought me to her. She was delighted and eagerly agreed.
I smoked my cigarette before I got her house and I didn’t smoke another until Mike picked me up. That is a long time for a smoker and I can tell you the urge was there. I was greeted by many friendly faces and I went to the alter at the end of the service. It was a quiet, gentle time at the alter for me and I wasn’t sure what I was expecting to find.
Over the months of my pregnancy, I read a little more and more of the Bible. At night, Mike and I would talk about it some. He had a lot of knowledge on the Bible from growing up in the church. He knew all the stories and the characters, as they seemed to me at that time. Every Sunday morning, Mike would drive me to his mom’s and I would go to church with her. Lexi would go with us on the Sundays she wasn’t with her dad.
Each week the pastor would preach from a portion of the Bible. The most amazing thing started to unfold before my eyes as he would take the church right to the part of scripture I had just read that previous week! It was such an awesome feeling and God was becoming real to me in such a loving way. I see now how He was saying to me, Here, child, let me explain what you read last week. He was cementing His word in me!
Scattering like bugs on hot cement
People frantic, can you hear their lament?
Fear has taken control, a driving force
Determined lives now thrown off course
Seems as though they run to find a truth
Willing to listen to sputterings of the uncouth
Fingers of blame pointing to all four winds
As the soup of truth gets more and more thinned
What do You have to say about it all?
What do You tell them when they call?
I’m sure love and forgiveness are first on your lips
Do they know they can guzzle from your well, rather than tiny sips?
In the light I see tiny dust particles swirling
As truth is lifted off its shelf, twirling
I hear the slow creaking of a Book being opened
A place where they can always put their hope in…
A map, a guide to light their way
If only they heed what Your words say…!
Behold I am doing a new thing, it shall spring forth
I will bring you out of the wilderness, you’ll find true north
Our Guide, our Truth, and our Way
Is coming soon, humble yourself and pray
Bible says nothing new under the sun.
Can’t help to wonder, what about this one?
Boys allowed to call themselves girls.
Grow their hair out into long, soft curls.
Girls shaving their faces with their dads…
Fathers patting their heads as if they’re lads.
How do I explain this to my child?
This world has gone absolutely wild.
People storming the courthouses with opinionated signs.
Thinking it’s ok to go against all of God’s designs.
Taking a life into their own hands.
Before that life has a chance to make it’s own demands.
The days of were Noah were more evil than these.
Not much longer of God’s wrath can we appease.
I imagine God on his horse, trump to His lips.
Minutes away from the sound of apocalypse.
But until that day how do we cope with all that’s around?
On every side there is trouble that surrounds.
How do we keep us and ours from being ensnared,
From the lies and confusion, how will we keep them spared?
Always doin’ the right thing
How they love make fun as you sing
Always stickin’ to your word
How they snicker and call you absurd
Always standin’ up to heed the call
As they sit back and wait for you to fall
Always runnin’ to the aid of the hurt
While they figure a way to steal your shirt
You see, your standin’, your stickin’ and your doin’…
Makes them angry and want to see your ruin
But after so much, you wonder why is it this way?
Because evil has always fought good since that fallen day
Chin up dear helper and friend
For into the battle, yes He did send…
You and your good ways to always remind others
That on this earth, we should always be brothers
So keep doin’ what’s right, always show them the truth
Keep stickin’ to your word with wisdom and cooth
Keep runnin’ to always help the hurt and the lost
Keep doin’ the right thing no matter the cost
For God your Father always awaits the day you bring them along
To Heaven to join the choir’s eternal song
A challenge for you reader. I find the word always to be a way to make things worse. It can also make things or the way we see things better. Your challenge, along with mine, is to see how much you use always in your day talk. And when you do ask yourself, “Am I using always to magnify the negative or the positive?”
There are so many poems I have written that I’m able to share a couple at a time! This one speaks of today’s world and the state it is in. I hope you’re enjoying these old posts.
I’ve come to wonder just how You do it all
From the rising of sun to the beauty of fall
How You could be here healing her complete?
Yet, over there, protecting them from the deceiver’s deceit
How can You guide a surgeon’s hand?
And yet You’re counting every piece of blowing sand
Do they know just how powerful You are?
Do they know that they’ve gone too far?
Have they any clue what You have in store?
Like a thief in night is what You said before
Clueless and foolish really are they
As we enter the time of the feet of iron and clay
I feel sorry for them who’ll be caught unaware…
When You come for Your bride in the air
Looking up they’ll finally see why
We always said there’s one thing you cannot buy
Around and around you’ve been spinning
Lying to them all, you know they’re not winning
With your vastness and your mighty tilt
They say you’re innocent holding no guilt
Running after the things of you blindly they follow
Don’t they see what you’re offering is shallow?
They call you Mother and they call you home
And for happiness to the ends of you they’ll roam
In their green houses; a worldly affair
They worship you as if you care
I don’t wanna gain you and lose my soul
I’ve been down that road, played that role
Someday soon they will all see
Every tongue confessing on bended knee
You will pass away on that hallelujah day
When our bridegroom comes to carry us away
I remember writing this one too. I wrote it with a young family member in mind. Sometimes watching other’s struggles I’m able write a poem to/about them. Although, most of the time I never show them….
How does it feel every time you turn, another slap in the face?
Hit the ball, off runnin’, out before you touch first base.
No matter at what angle you hit, out in the first round
All the roads taken, even the shortcuts seemed so sound
On the edge of your bed all through the night
Biting and chewing worrying, figurin’ with all your might
A dollar here, a break there, robbing Peter to pay Paul
Who knew that your way just wouldn’t ever work at all
Plans simmered down to a thick bitter sauce
Fool’s gold you thought was pure with no dross
What you thought was right, was simply just wrong
Head hanging low, now you’re singin your bluesy song
If you know me by now then you should already know
This is the part where words of God’s mercy begin to flow.
Tough love from me? Nah, never.
Tough love from Him? Maybe. Your will He wants to sever
He’s had a plan for you since you first opened your eyes
Plans to prosper you, not for your demise.
He’s not a God who delights in death and in pain
Power, love, liberty and a sound mind are yours to gain
Give up your plans, your ideas and your life’s scheme
Give Him the bat, He’ll hit it out of the park for your team
Here’s another one of my faves…
I’ve taken all my cares and threaded them through my hook
One strong flick of the wrist is all it really took
As the line took its flight over the big giant sea
I watched my sins float on the forgetful waters merrily
Like a mammoth whale you rose from the water’s deep
And scooped up all my anxieties forever for You to keep
And when You sank back down with my troubles in your palm
There was no tsunami, no ripples, the waters were calm
I like it here on Your shore; the sea of forgetfulness
Where I can be daily freed of this worldly stress
I’m trying to be hopeful that You can count on me
To leave those heavy weights buried in the bottom of the sea
A New Life 