And So it Begins…

Twelve years ago I gave birth to a child that would help save my life. Maybe I’m being a bit over dramatic in your eyes, but looking back I see how her presence helped change the trajectory of my path. I never intended to spoil her, if I did. I never intended to hurt her either, as while I was growing and maturing, she had front row seats to many of my tantrums and what not.

As she grew, I began to notice that she was a special kind of child. She was early on all of her milestones, as other children can be. But something about her made you feel special. The way she would want to connect with you. The way she loved was big. The way she would hurt was big too.

Mamy times I would wonder if I was seeing her as so different because she was my second child and my first child was autistic. There were many firsts with this child I didn’t get to experience with my oldest child. But that wasn’t it.

Abigail started to show an amazing ability to make everyone around her feel special. Like you’re the only one in the world she would choose to be around. It wasn’t just with other kids but adults and the elderly too. As a maturing mom, I would of course sometimes get jealous. I have had to learn to share her and let her fly. I also see how I may have been like her as a little girl myself had I not had so much trauma that kept me socially crippled.

And So it Begins, you ask. Adolescence. I have no idea how we’re going to get through it. I always figured that it wouldn’t happen to her. That she would muscle her way through it smiling all the way. I was wrong.

For now, I can still get her to open up to me and share with me. We have the long talks she needs that I longed for when I was her age. I want to spare her so much hurt. I have to realize my experiences aren’t the same as hers. She lives in totally opposite circumstances than I did. Nonetheless, I do have wisdom from the school of hard knocks that I can tap in to.

Abigail is her name. If you think of Abigail in the Bible, you think of the woman loading the gifts to bestow to help make peace. That is our Abigail.

My Abigail experienced rejection today. She was so excited to join the youth group at church. Nervous and excited, I should say. Now she is the younger one instead of the older girl of the little girls. Her youth group is the ages of 12 to 18. Today she was told she couldn’t join in their fun unless she was 13. A rule the kids made on their own at a non-church event. She showed them no emotion and she walked away. She did not try to beat down the walls of rejection and demand her place within the group. She said, if they don’t want me around then I don’t want to be around. I am proud of her for that. Although, the rejection hurt her deeply.

When I prayed for her I felt the Lord tell me to tell her how He was rejected in his own town among his own people. But mom. He was God, I don’t think it hurt Him the same. My answer…Jesus was God but he was man too. He wept when Lazarus died, I’m sure He hurt when he was rejected.

We sat up and talked for about an hour. She went to bed quietly with a smile and an I love you mom. But my heart remains heavy tonight. This won’t be the last time a peer hurts her.

My final thought is this. Can you imagine being twelve or thirteen years old in this day and age? Not only are they waking up to everything adolescence brings, they also have to listen to talk of the virus, the vaccines, the masks, stolen elections, and food shortages.

Makes you think, who cares about friends being mean and bullying, those talks were for the past. The talks with our children now should be strictly on making it to heaven.

I don’t know y’all, I pray my Abigail gets a chance to get beyond these speed bump years and go on to change the world as her personality seems to suggest that she could.

Yummy

Butternut squash soup per Kathy’s recipe Her recipe says she adds more nutmeg… I did too. It’s like a desert and a main meal soup at the same time. Like candied yams. I put carrots and potatoes in it rather than chicken…but next time I’m making the base the same way and adding big chunks of sweet potatoes floating generously.

It’s a rainy yucky day here in Indiana and my heart is warm. God is so good to His people. Mike goes for surgery to repair tendons tomorrow. Say a prayer y’all.

Amy’s World

As most of you know we’ve had an eventful week around here. God showed Himself to be the Comforter that His word promises. I am grateful for that.

Along with the challenges of the past week. I got a new phone. Not because I wanted a new one but because my service just stopped coming in at our house! Do you feel out of sorts when you get a new phone, like me? It’s like moving into a new house. It flusters me.

Speaking of phones, my husband left his on top of the hood of the truck he was working on. Yes, y’all he was out there welding and wrenching away with his injured hand. He will need surgery in the week to repair 2 torn tendons.

So he took the truck for a test drive with the phone on the hood. We spent almost 3 hours searching along the side of our road and the highway he turned on to.

My first thought was, Why did he do that? Why didn’t he pay closer attention? But I soon realized that I had absent-mindedly drove to the wrong store myself just hours before his mishap.

Do you feel like your brain is slipping lately? Do you feel like your plate is full and you don’t have the energy to keep up? Do you find yourself doing these type things? I think we are all feeling this way at times. I believe the world is spinning faster than it ever has. There are so many things seeking our attention, that leaves us not knowing which way to point our feet first. Bible says in the end times that knowledge will increase, but it didn’t say if it would be a good thing or a bad thing. In some ways, it’s nice to know what’s going on oceans away, in other ways it’s just too much for one brain to handle. Take a breath, slow down and regroup is what I keep telling myself.

We downloaded an app on my phone called Google locate my phone We were able to lock his phone and put a message the lock screen stating if anyone finds this please call the number we provided. Then we saw on the map right where his phone was. Google maps put it in and we drove right to it. Knowledge has increased and this time it was helpful. We shall see what is in store for the next time.

Hey Mark here’s what you can do with those books! Lol

I’m Floored

At how good God truly is! Since I was a little girl I’ve dealt with what I believe is IBS. It’s basically for me where my mind is connected to my bowels. (Which is true for us all) But when trouble comes, I feel it in my gut. Others may hyperventilate or freeze up or run the other way. For me, stress means pain like none other in my gut. The attacks have been more often lately, along with gallbladder stones, my doctor agreed it’s time for a colonoscopy.

Today was the day for the colonoscopy. I got to the hospital and did the things necessary to have the procedure. I was nervous once I got there and put on my my beautiful, stylish hospital gown. I kept imagining that they would come in afterward with bad news of cancer or biopsies to find cancer. These thoughts had me quite nervous.

The doctor came in to talk with me before I was to go back and bare all. (Because let’s face it, that in itself will make ya nervous.) He asked my medical history. You’re medical history can tell a lot about the kind of life you’ve lived…so here we go is all I’m thinking. I told him of what surgeries and procedures I had done in the past. He says, anything else? I tell him that I had two abortions in my younger years. This is not an easy thing to say. He can tell even with a mask on my face. I then tell him I cannot or try not to have any pain medications as I was an addict in my former life and any time I take pain meds, opiates, the addictive thoughts just start right up. I mean, I can take them if absolutely necessary but it’s not easy to do and the risk is great.

By this time the dr has a good idea of my former life. He asks me how long ago since I was addicted and what did I do to get clean. Twelves years, I say and I point upward and said, I got saved. He said, I had a feeling you were a believer, I am too. I can see the glimmer of a smile in his eyes above his mask. He goes on to tell me that he grew up religious, he puts his fingers in the air to make the quote signs to go around the word religious. He said he got himself into some financial trouble to the point where the courts were involved. He says he’s always been a type A personality who could always climb out of any mess he got himself into but this mess left him with his back against the wall. That is where God found him.

He says you seem so nervous would you like me to pray with you? He took my hand and squeezed tight and prayed. He prayed for peace that passes all understanding. He prayed and thanked God for me. He told God, I’m sure I can do this procedure in my sleep, but God, Amy doesn’t know that, she’s never been through something like this. Give me wisdom to be the best I can be for her. And Father, Amy has shared her regrets with me today, let know that you have forgiven her and that she doesn’t have to feel shame for the past.  I can see your blood all over her.

Tell me God isn’t real. Tell me he’s too busy for colonoscopies and everyday procedures. Tell me he’s left this world and no longer cares about man’s destruction….because if you do, I will point you back to this day and loving kindness of a scientist who, statistically shouldn’t believe, that does!

So y’all…the results came good. No problems down yonder. Maybe that prayer healed me before I even went in!

God is Good

I wanted to share something good that God did for us yesterday.

After a long school day, filled with tears and frustration, (Yeah, those happen around here) I was in the phone doing a medical history for my upcoming procedure. I was in a hurry to get it done as they also needed me to run to get a Covid test so I’m cleared to have said procedure. My husband wasn’t home with the car yet and the place closed soon. Every now and then we go down to one car while he’s doing car “stuff.”

As I was answering the last of their questions, my husband walks in with his hand bandaged up above his head.

“What happened,” is all I can say, after I hung up.

“I almost cut my fingers off,” is his reply.

He goes on to tell me how he was at the surface grinder finishing up a project at work. He hit the off button which stops the table from moving and the wheel from spinning. The machine is quiet when running, with nothing being out through it. He had his earplugs in which makes it even quieter.

There were metal shavings on the table of it that he went to wipe away with his hand and when he did, the wheel just took his hand and sent it right under it. The table part had been stopped, but the wheel was not.

It happened so fast that he grabbed his hand and just stood there for a second processing what just happened.

Then he looked to see if his fingers were there. They were, but they were now bleeding profusely. He ran to get paper towels and ran to get help.

He was at the emergency room most of the day. I didn’t know he was there because he left his phone at work just trying to get there. One finger bled for 4 hours with pressure on it. There are 3 paths of finger flesh to the bone just missing he says. The paths are the width of that blade, but they are along the sides of his 3 fingers of his right hand. They could not stitch it up.

Why make a post about this?

Because he did NOT lose his fingers! He did NOT break a single bone in his hand! I find that amazing. The more and more the reality of what happened to him settled in my mind, I realized how God protected him and us. His ability to work is our lively hood. It’s how I’m able to stay home and teach our girls.

He will have to see an orthopedic surgeon in the next day or two. Because it was workmen’s comp related he had to return to work this morning. I helped him get dressed and I tied his shoes this morning and off he went with his 3 fingers all bandaged up and elevated as it helps alleviate the pain.

And I thought I was having a bad day…😒

See the good y’all, see the good. Find your silver lining in each trial and hard moment, because God is there, He never leaves.

Unpopular Truth And Other Helpful Tips To Tell A Daughter

This is such good, well thought out advice for us mothers of daughters….Many girls and women have been left unprepared to face life- especially, in regard to relationships. For whatever reasons, they commonly have been left largely uninformed by their elders; by those who love them, and could have been properly equipping them with knowledge. So many girls and women go through life misguided about relationships, due […]

Unpopular Truth And Other Helpful Tips To Tell A Daughter

Wide Awake

I’m wide awake tonight. I have a million and one things going through my mind. This was a challenging week for me and I feel like I just cannot quite grasp peace in my mind. Funny how the things we can so strongly pray for others, are the very things we may lack ourselves.

This whole getting old thing is really taking its toll. Anyone feel me on that? Couple years ago it was graying hair and weight that just won’t come off. I’m wishing that were the least of it these days. But I have new taunting thoughts that plague my mind most days. Thoughts like…

If I’m 47 and I make it to 80 I’m over halfway there. I’m glad they don’t throw those over the hill, black balloon parties anymore. Not so fun if it’s you in the hot seat.

If God comes back soon (which we all know He is) I won’t see my grandchildren. My children won’t get to become mothers. Yeah I know, y’all, I know.

The newest getting old thought is, a colonoscopy? Say what? No way! But yeah, I guess so….

To laying awake worryin, “What if they find something?”

There’s the teeth. Still have my own, but I’m afraid they will go further downhill soon.

Oh and I need new orthotics!

Looks like my bifocals aren’t keeping things clear as they did 6 months ago!

I can’t tell you how many times I just smile when someone says something and I pretend I heard what they said. Usually I’m too embarrassed to simply say, “What did you say?”

I’m being a bit of a downer aren’t I? My midlife crisis is upon me, I best go buy me a Corvette and a toupee!

Yes I know, wrap it up, Amy, and make sure you put a good spin on it all.

Well here goes…

Gray hair is a sign if wisdom according to the Bible.

A colonoscopy isn’t all that bad. These Drs do them all day long, just another backside they get see! Sorry, the best spin on that I could muster up!

I still have my own teeth

New orthotics means a new pair of shoes!

Dimming eyes and dimming ears means…I can be oblivious. Hear no evil, see no evil

Before, my only request when Jesus came back and gave us our heavenly bodies was that I’d like mine in a size 6! Well now, I’d like one size 6, brown hair, brown 20/20 eyes, I’ll take the one with wings so I can fly everywhere, rather than walking.

I’d like the newer model with full set of chompers and ears with super sonic hearing.

And one bubble gum pink 2021 Corvette, hold the toupee!

When it Matters

There’s evil running a’foot

It’s starting to take root

Lurking in the shadows of the night

Becoming braver to step into the light

Heavily it weighs and it weighs

Messages of dispair, it conveys

Thinking it has got you beat

It runs you in the ground of defeat

And all the while you hear a soft cry….

In your heart of hearts, asking why…

A small voice from years ago

Begging you to give in and let go

Shouts of love spilling from within

As memories of time spent in His presence, spin

Remember child, when you were free?

Remember child, love that only comes from Me?

Evil may seem to rule the day

But it’s short lived and will fade away

Running from our Victor, it scatters…

Where will you be when it Matters?

Amy’s Reflective World

Hi all. Been working hard over here and I haven’t had much to share. Homeschool is going along wonderfully, once we got past week one. Have any of you read the Rush Revere Series? We read a few from the series last year, and now we’ve gone back to read the first book as we study the Pilgrims in history. They’re a staple for your children to read, especially in the day and age we live in as our America seems to get stripped away but by bit. My girls beg for me to read to them these stories.

Our Abigail will turn 12 this Thursday. We rented a pavilion at a local park that has a very small beach area and partied down!

I’ve been experiencing pain lately. Come to find out my gallbladder has several stones in it. I’ll also be having tests done to look into the IBS I’ve dealt with since I was a child. As these two things popped up this week, I’m struck with a profound thought.

All my life I would and still do get these pains in my gut that take my breath away. I would twist and turn, doubled over in pain waiting for it to go away. Once I knew what it was, which was just few years back, I became accustomed to the attacks. When I would feel that familiar pain, the go to treatments for IBS would start. Heating pad, peppermint tea and Advil. Stay close to home and wait it out.

Now with this gallbladder thing, I’m in the same boat. Waiting it out. Eating very little fat and small meals, keeping the big pains at bay. I’m starting to get used to doing this. I have over 10 days before I see the surgeon just to talk about the removal.

How many of our loved ones are just simply used to the pain? The pain of addiction. The pain of personality disorders. The pain of the past sins put on them from their parents.

Do you see someone and wonder to yourself, Haven’t they had enough of self-inflicted pain? Or do you wonder, How do they look in the mirror?

Now I see so clearly. They are used to the pain.

We all have the daily aches and pains that come with aging. It’s a gradual thing that comes upon us all. As it creeps upon us, we do a self-assessment and ask ourselves, Is this manageable? How bad is it? Can I just ignore it?

Same with our unsaved loved ones. The addict who says they will never use again after a night like that, and then there they are using again. They’ve become used to the pain, they know what to expect.

I don’t know if this encourages you, but it does me. I kept wondering how did I make it out but others I know, haven’t? They’ve become used to the pain, that’s why.

I’m so grateful that God saved me. And I can tell you, the pain caused by my childhood and the pain caused by the addiction, didn’t go away at once. But as each day I walked toward Him, the pain was no longer there to ignore.

A Germ of Prejudice or Not

This is so good y’all, I had to share… Mark explains how we should see others in our daily lives, as people not by color!

“A new command I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has […]

A Germ of Prejudice or Not