How many times do you think I have typed the words, ‘There is healing in writing’? I sit and think. Ruminate, churn feelings, and thoughts around in this brain of mine until my ears ring. Sometimes I find myself in this rolling conversation with God, where it isn’t even pleading anymore. I’m like a child begging to go outside when I’ve already been told no. Let me backtrack…
Just over a week ago, the Dr’s found a tumor in my husband’s testicle. The first day or so, he was shy to say anything to anyone, being that it was where it was. He concluded that women deal with breast cancer, why can’t a man be open about his testicle? I admire him for coming to that decision. He did not allow the pride of this life to get in his way of what he needed to become comfortable with his situation.
This was a Friday. All we knew was the word tumor. By Wednesday, tumor turned into 5cm with a 95% chance it is cancer. By this coming Wednesday the tumor, along with his testicle, will be removed. Then we go to the next step, whatever that may be. He is handling it well. He knows that testicular cancer has a 98% curable rate. This is comforting. He has decided to make jokes about it. How does one do that? It is beyond me… But I fake it and laugh.
Goodness, I just wrote about fear being a friend in times when we need to run the other way. Read it here I concluded how fear can cause us to make the right decisions….then this. Then I’m back to shakin in my boots. Fear, now you’re a foe! You gotta read the other post to know what that even means.
Please God, do a miracle. Please God…more ruminating
Have you ever had a conversation with God where you are rationalizing with Him? As if He is human and needs reminded and persuaded by you?
My middle daughter, 12 years old, just came back from a week of camp. She went off to camp knowing tumor, but nothing else. In the wee hours of the night last night we sat up talking about all the wonderful things she experienced at camp. She says to me, “On Wednesday, I told a few of my friends that my dad might have cancer. We decided to go in the sanctuary and pray for him. We prayed for an hour.” With tears in her eyes and her voiced choking up she says, “When we got done, I felt a peace about it.” Her face showed a peace too in that moment. More talk of it today and she says to me, “It’s going to be fine.” With that same peace and resolve on her face. She has shown a maturity and a faith that we all should strive for.
This is exactly what Jesus was saying in this verse: