Random Thoughts on Time

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I think us writers have brains just bursting with ideas, thoughts, opinions, worries, and story ideas. Does your brain feel like it’s just constantly going? I can walk into a store and see something discarded on the ground, a sentence or two will pop into my mind. Because I am doing other things, I cannot not keep the story going in my head. Trying to recall it later is useless. I recently watched Undercover Boss and this particular boss had a waterproof notepad and pencil he hung in his shower. I need one of those!

Lately my thoughts go to growing old. Comparing my life and the stage I’m in with that of my grandmother’s life. What was she doing at age forty seven? Will it fly by for me as it had for her?

I also have been thinking on how the elderly get treated by the younger generations. My newest thought is, mankind does not want to be reminded of what will be when it comes to growing old. So maybe the younger generations tend to avoid the elderly because it is too hard to face what their fate will ultimately be. Is that why so many treat the elderly as if they’re dumb or childlike? Are we subconsciously pushing them away so we do not have to face reality?

Yes, us Christians are to be excited to get to Heaven. Homesick for that Sweet Beulah Land. If I have to be honest, I’d say I’m curious how the rest of my story will play out. Especially if I get and stay in the will of God allowing Him to direct my paths.

My other random thoughts are on our world today. I hear it everywhere. “Jesus is fixin to come back soon” I hear, “This has to be the end times.” It gets my mind going when I hear this. I immediately go to our kitchen cabinets, will we have enough supplies to make it? How will we live? What will we do? Yes, I know what you’re thinking while reading this. You’re either thinking, well if we are right with God , we need not worry. Or maybe you’re thinking, consider the lilies, or even the sparrow. You are right, but that doesn’t stop the overly imaginable things that reel through this brain of mine.

Random Thoughts….right?

Here’s a new one for me. The day is fast approaching that my twelve year old will be an adult and out on her own. She was in the shower the other day. I got to thinking of how when our babies are born we mothers know every inch of our child’s body. We know every mole, every scar on our child’s body. We know when said child needs a bath or hair combing. This for me as a mother was in some ways pure joy and in other ways, pure agony.

The joy is that you are caring for your child and meeting each and every need for that child. This is a parent’s job. The agony of it is, this child is so dependent on you that the pressure to give and do all you can in the rearing of this child can feel huge at times.

When my child was in the shower, I was reminded of how I don’t need to handle all aspects of her life because she is in a position to make some of her own choices now. She can shower and care for her own body. It was in this moment, I realized that her future lays in my hands for the time being, but not for much longer. The more independent she gets, the less control I have in her life. I know, I know. That’s what is supposed to happen. The agony here for me is, will her father and I have done enough of the right stuff to send her out of the nest in the right direction?

The last of my random thoughts I would like to share is about time…how time does heal some wounds. Lately, when I think back on heartbreaking times in my life, the severity of it isn’t there anymore. I think some of that comes from the time I put in therapy. I also think some of it comes with age and experience. Today marks one year since my mother’s death. I feel bad in saying this, but I don’t feel any different today than I did yesterday. I did not spend the day reflecting upon her and her death. Time can heal wounds, but it cannot reason with you on how you feel. Time is just there to fill in the empty times in our daily lives.

Time can heal. Time can fly too. Time can be cruel on the body. Time can cause anxiety. Time can lie too. (daylight Savings Time lol) One thing for absolute sure is that time will tick on.

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