Wide Awake

I’m wide awake tonight. I have a million and one things going through my mind. This was a challenging week for me and I feel like I just cannot quite grasp peace in my mind. Funny how the things we can so strongly pray for others, are the very things we may lack ourselves.

This whole getting old thing is really taking its toll. Anyone feel me on that? Couple years ago it was graying hair and weight that just won’t come off. I’m wishing that were the least of it these days. But I have new taunting thoughts that plague my mind most days. Thoughts like…

If I’m 47 and I make it to 80 I’m over halfway there. I’m glad they don’t throw those over the hill, black balloon parties anymore. Not so fun if it’s you in the hot seat.

If God comes back soon (which we all know He is) I won’t see my grandchildren. My children won’t get to become mothers. Yeah I know, y’all, I know.

The newest getting old thought is, a colonoscopy? Say what? No way! But yeah, I guess so….

To laying awake worryin, “What if they find something?”

There’s the teeth. Still have my own, but I’m afraid they will go further downhill soon.

Oh and I need new orthotics!

Looks like my bifocals aren’t keeping things clear as they did 6 months ago!

I can’t tell you how many times I just smile when someone says something and I pretend I heard what they said. Usually I’m too embarrassed to simply say, “What did you say?”

I’m being a bit of a downer aren’t I? My midlife crisis is upon me, I best go buy me a Corvette and a toupee!

Yes I know, wrap it up, Amy, and make sure you put a good spin on it all.

Well here goes…

Gray hair is a sign if wisdom according to the Bible.

A colonoscopy isn’t all that bad. These Drs do them all day long, just another backside they get see! Sorry, the best spin on that I could muster up!

I still have my own teeth

New orthotics means a new pair of shoes!

Dimming eyes and dimming ears means…I can be oblivious. Hear no evil, see no evil

Before, my only request when Jesus came back and gave us our heavenly bodies was that I’d like mine in a size 6! Well now, I’d like one size 6, brown hair, brown 20/20 eyes, I’ll take the one with wings so I can fly everywhere, rather than walking.

I’d like the newer model with full set of chompers and ears with super sonic hearing.

And one bubble gum pink 2021 Corvette, hold the toupee!


16 Replies to “Wide Awake”

  1. Dear precious Amy. 47 was a very hard year for me, too. One of my hardest years. I had my first colonoscopy around that time. And yes, they did find something. A precancerous, adenomous benign tumor the size and shape of my pinky finger. Which is why I have had several colonoscopies since then, to make sure the growth hasn’t come back and turned into cancer. So far, no colon cancer, yaaay. But I really don’t like those colonoscopies.

    I’m telling you the truth, Amy. I was a mess at 47. Today, I honestly feel younger — lots younger! — and happier — way happier!! — than I did at 47. Today I am 68. In a little over a year and a half, I will be 70! But I feel GREAT! Not perfect, mind you. But way better than I felt at 47!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ok Linda, I’ll get the colonoscopy! Lol.
      I look at women around your age and in their earlier 60’s and most seem comfortable. I guess it is mid life that gets me down. I just need to resign myself to the fact and enjoy it all.
      Now if only I could sleep. I see the surgeon tomorrow about my gallbladder and I can’t stop worrying about that too

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Anytime I start feeling those things like you are saying here ( I am 55) I start rejoicing that the Good Lord has allowed me to see and experience the things I have like losing teeth, going blind, getting gray (I love sis Linda’s gray main! I’ll never have that much hair πŸ˜‚) for at the ripe old age of 21 I tried to END what would be my future in the Lord πŸ™Œ
    Love ya! Love this post! πŸ™πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»β€οΈπŸ™Œ

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes I too will have to come to that conclusion soon. For I too lived the first half of my life in turmoil and am now set free of that. Sometimes it’s hard to see those things through the gray areas of life thanks for your encouragement!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. My Sweet Amy, bless you! As my mom often says, “Gettin’ old ain’t for sissies!” Grit your teeth and bear it, my dear. The body often experiences a rally (like Linda said, it can get better for a time, if we take good care of ourselves), but facts is facts, and we are degenerating. I know you will keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. He will always bring you joy.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. God bless you, Amy! I remember those days. Now I’m 68 and have the attitude of Alfred E. Newman – “What? Me worry?” I’m way more than halfway there, and glad of it. My new body will be awesome, but I suspect we’ll all be so busy gazing y Jesus

    Liked by 1 person

  5. God has been using all the things that have been “falling apart” with my health due to aging to remold me from the perfectionist of my younger days to being able to laugh at myself. Plus, He uses those things to remind me that there is no good gift in me that didn’t come from Him. We can indeed rejoice for all He’s given us and remember like Job, “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” I thought those things were mine when I was younger, but now I see that it was always supposed to have been for Him and His glory. It was never supposed to have been for me a reason to think of myself more highly than I ought.
    I remember starting to have those sleep issues in my 40’s. I started taking 3 mg. of melatonin every night and have slept well almost all the time since. I still take the melatonin every night. I figured lack of sleep was a lot worse then any side effect that might come up from taking a supplement, and so far so good.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thanks so much! I really appreciate every word you have written here. I have dealt with perfectionism for years and these “losses” I’m experiencing do get me down because if that….I just didn’t realize that til now. So thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I can relate to a lot of this! πŸ˜‰ Love you my friend. I am thankful I have good friends to grow old together with. πŸ€—You’re in my prayers! πŸ’—

    Liked by 1 person

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