Back to life, back to reality…remember that song from the 90’s? LoL. Well now it’s in your head, you’re welcome.
Honestly, I’ve just simply been relaxing this week coming back from Florida. It was hard when the kids would start talking at the same time or start their bickering. I didn’t handle these moments very well. I also didn’t handle the moments with my autistic daughter who was asking questions and wanting me to make decisions for her. That was hard. Looking back over the last few days of this week, I did the best I could considering the circumstances.
I went to church last night. Many asked how I was and gave me their condolences. One woman came to ask how I was, but then continued to talk of nothing but how she was handling the death of her father. I’m a good listener, sometimes…but it was extremely hard in that moment. Thinking upon that, I think many want to help but just don’t know how. I’ve been in that position of just rambling because I don’t know what the right thing to say is.
I took school off for the week. Today is Thursday. Mom died early Monday morning. Part of me was relieved to hear of her passing because it told me I did the right thing by pulling the vent.
I had a 2 hr appointment with my counselor, which was very nice of her to take that time for me, yesterday. She advised me that not many are going to be able to understand my feelings. They cannot understand the type of grief I’m in because my grief is yet again the loss of what will never be. So I’ve decided not to explain to all of my people just what I’m dealing with. And I don’t know about you, but really, most people don’t care. They just want to live life, say they’re sorry, and go on with whatever they’re doing in their lives.
I read my mother’s diary. I did me no good. It didn’t hurt too much either. Some parts seemed staged. Weird, I know. Amy’s weird world comin’ right at ya! But honestly, she wrote as if knowing it was to be read. But other times she wrote just to write, to no audience. And in those times, I learned that she truly believed herself to be a victim. This may help me toward closure.
In the meantime, here’s some photos of what’s been going on around this weird world…