A Mama’s Heart

“Let me down. I want down.” I can remember the days of holding my toddler daughter tight in my arms not wanting to let her down as she would squirm and wiggle her way loose from my arms.

“Stay close to mama, don’t run too far,” I forever pleaded with my little girl as she would run from me with a smile and a “no” on her lips. I can still remember the frantic feeling in my mama-gut as I’d chase her when she’d run too far from me.

I was blessed with a wonderful girl with a big heart and a ready smile. But when I see her in my mind, I see her with back turned to me, looking over her shoulder at me as if saying, “Yeah, I hear ya, mom, but I gotta do it my way.”

Now she’s ten years old and I catch glimpses of a woman blossoming underneath the childish features of her face and body. And even as I write this, it pangs my heart to think she will not be my little girl much longer. With these changes comes a new way of saying no to me, a new way of looking at me over her shoulder; if she even will look back anymore. Those of you who have a raised their children know of what I write. You remember these days or you try not to…

But I think of the pain my heart feels as a mother; a mama’s heart.

I think of God. I think of the times I looked over my shoulder at Him with my back to Him, a daring smile on my face.

I think of the times I told Him, “I want down. Let me down. Let me do it my way.”

If a human mother’s heart hurts like mine does now even at the thought, I think of my Lord and what His heart must feel when we turn from Him. Maybe not even in the case of all-out rebellion, but when we take our problems in our own hands. “I’ve got this Lord, I don’t need your help.”

I know He’s our Father and to be honored and looked upon in a fatherly way, but I imagine He may have a bigger mama’s-heart than any of us mothers could ever fathom.

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