Total Eclipse

I am my mother’s daughter, they say.

Do they know what an insult they throw my way?

Looking in the mirror to see her, brings a disgust.

From so many years of lies and mistrust.

Never caring to know me or what I think.

Caused me to digress and shrink…

into a pit of self loathing and shame.

I cringe and seethe at the mention of her name.

She made me feel like I wasn’t enough.

Looked at me in my lowest and said…”tough”

“What about me” is all that came from her lips.

In her shadow I lived in the eclipse.

It amazes me, no apology still to this day.

For all the times she just simply walked away.

Why don’t I matter? Why doesn’t she see?

That all I wanted was for her to be my mommy.

Forty-four years later my daily prayer I plead.

“Lord, show me how to be a mom, how to succeed.”

No example and a broken heart

Make it hard to know where to even start.

His answer is daily always the same;

“Child forgive her and I’ll take care of what remains.”

One day I hope to say I’ve forgiven my mother,

But truth be known, she’s hurt me like none other.

I was shown I need to write from the depths of pain and anger created by those who were to love me. I pray it helps me to heal. I’m posting these in this series in the hopes of helping others alongside of helping myself. Pardon me if they are a bit darker or angry than what I usually write. The desperation for final change takes precedence here.