I wish you could call me on the phone, knock on my door, stop me in the hall.
Grab me by the shoulders, give a swift shake, eye to eye we’d stand as your tell me about your call.
I’d watch your eyes and your smile, as you reveal just what it is you want me to do. Where to go.
Plane tickets, money, and a list of instructions as you fill me in on everything I need to know.
Ever felt a tugging, a calling to go deeper with your work for God? I have for a while now, but I just finally got the nerve up last week to take, what I think is, the first step.
I was just so self assured when I took that step. I really put myself out on the line and then I waited.
The adversary saw this and he took his grand entrance into the whole thing and started stirring up my flesh. He began to get me riled up on things I didn’t need to be dealing with during this time of waiting. I should’ve been in more contemplative prayer and fasting while waiting. But no, instead I’m being flung about like a rag doll. In the very back of my mind there was a thought…this is the devil messing with you. But there were so many other emotions and feelings taking front seat, that I dismissed what was my signal to a way of escape.
I didn’t handle well the fleshly things coming my way. I should’ve walked away from such an argument, such a scene. And when it was done, each of us in our usual corners, licking our wounds…here comes the words in my mind. Words that sound like your own, words in your own head…so surely they are yours, right? Wrong.
“Who did you think you were trying to step into something you know nothing about?” Ever heard that?
Or “You’re just trying to get attention and show off, you’re not sincere for God.”
How about this…”Wait, how do think you can be useful for the kingdom of God, when you can’t even walk away from an arguement?”
And as my mind is being bombarded from hell, and the thoughts are tearing me down, there’s a soft whisper in my heart. “You’re being called. All I need from you is for you to be willing to answer my call.”
Isn’t it funny how Satan screams at us; and God needs to only whisper?
On the tail end of this…I was given a scripture by someone on the sidelines of this, watching and praying.
And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:
32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren