Sounds like a good title for a poem! Maybe next time. Today I just simply need to talk, write, chew on some things and see if anyone out there feels the same. Isn’t that how we humans do things? We find those who are similar, feel similar or are going through similar trials and experiences. For surely someone who isn’t similar can’t relate. So we think.
Do you ever find yourself worrying? And I mean worrying. I guess if I were an expert at something, this would be my profession. Worry. Last night 4am to 5am I laid in bed talking to myself and then bringing God in. Back and forth like that for an hour. Something like this…”Well now I know what the problem is. No more worrying what is wrong with my feet.”
And then….”But now this means they will never be the same. They’ve broken down. Collapsed. Do I quit my job? Oh wait, God, can you fix my feet? Can you unbreak something?”
And as all of this dialogue is going on, my husband comes back from his way to work, running in the door because his truck overheated and he has to take my car.
Me…”Oh great, now where will the money come from to fix that? How does a truck overheat in subzero weather? Hey God, can you fix that too?”
So on I go thinking on how I can fix these and many other problems going on around me. How many times do we do this? I can’t count. How many times do we search for unsearchable answers so we can feel in control. So we can find a sense of well being. It’s like those with OCD who have to have their things in place, just so. It gives them (us, yeah that’s me at times) a sense of control. That everything is where they want it so all is well in their universe.
This is probably the time when we all should get down on our knees, beg God’s forgiveness for our unbelief, and pray until miracles come streaming down from heaven. But I didn’t. I just kept this one-sided dialogue up until I fell back to sleep. Which then I was awoken by my own screams caught in my throat from a dream I was having…which now looking back, was bigfoot in a woman form clawing at my car to get in. Funny part was she had a pink bow in her hair. Have fun with that one dream analysts!
Just a few minutes ago I was encouraged by my mother in law to read Matthew 6:25-34 since I had shared with her how unhinged I’ve been feeling as of late.
Looks like God responded after all. In His infallible word He answered all the stuff I was shooting at Him. In His time. In His way.