The Whole Truth


Hello friends. I’ve made a big decision regarding this blog and my writings. See, the reason I started writing was I have something to share. Something that goes deeper than a painful, traumatic childhood. It goes deeper than my experiences with drugs and alcohol until the age of 35. I have been called to help other women but fear has kept me skirting around the real issue as to why I started writing.

I want to slowly unfold the stories five lives. Five lives that mean everything to me. When I’m done with this story (which will take several series of posts) some of you may turn tail and run from me. I’ve come to except that because it’s not those who need to be reached anyhow.

The title will always be “The Whole Truth” I will number them so you can go back if need be. I ask and will ask each time I post on this series, that if you don’t like what you read to simply unfollow me. I do not need ridicule. I do not want pity either.

My story  will give you an overview of me, where I came from and where I ended up, gratefully in God’s arms.

I never had any real nurturing. There are some family members who would disagree, but that is to only cover up their carelessness. I wasn’t sexually abused or physically abused either. I was simply ignored, shuffled around and treated as the black sheep’s daughter.

My father was and still is a loner. He and my mom divorced when I was 5. I don’t remember anything of a family. I have only a handful of times that I can remember ever being in the car with the 2 of them at the same time. The last time was when I was 17 and the 3 of us went to get our blood drawn to finally find out if my dad was my real dad. He is my real dad. He was my oasis from the cruelty of the world I lived in. He was always kind to me, but it wasn’t enough to prepare me for how boys/men can treat an unsuspecting girl who wants attention.

I ended up pregnant at 19 years old. I lived with my dad through that pregnancy. My boyfriend had his last day of school tests the day my Alexis was born. She was 8lbs 10oz. She was also born with two fingers and two toes webbed together. I remember feeling like most people that visited came to see that flaw instead of anything else. Some even went as far as saying, “We’ll I’ve never seen any of that on our side of the family” The day the baby and I were to leave the hospital, the doctor walked me down to a room where they had my baby on a table doing an ultrasound on her heart. They had heard a murmur. They found 4 holes in her heart. They said she’d be ok to go home, but she’d need to see a cardiovascular doctor.

All of this for me was overwhelming because I had no support, not in the way of a mom or a mother figure who could wrap her arms around me and say “We’ll get through this together.”

If you’ve never had a mom or had one and lost her early, then you know the giant hole it leaves in a child’s life. For me it was a slap in the face at times, because my mom was alive and around but her drugs and alcohol always took front seat. It creates anger and yes hate in a child’s heart when the child has to play 2nd or even 3rd fiddle to something so devastating.

She had hand plastic surgery around 1yrs old. They seperated her fingers and took skin from her hip to graft onto the inside. Her 4 holes all closed at a year old, but they found her PDA valve was still open. So she had heart surgery around 2 years old. They deflated her lung and got to her heart through her ribs.

She is now 24 years old. She lives with me as she has Autism and true OCD behaviors. We grew up together and sadly as you will read in this series of the truth, you’ll see that she was put through alot at the hand of my decisions. I believe that autism has saved her from repeating the mistakes she watched her mother perform. I can see what a blessing her life is to those who love her and are in her life. I’m very grateful that God allowed her to live and be with me. I have much to learn from her as she’s an awesome young woman who can see the purity and innocence in this world.

Her life is not one of the five lives I will be sharing with you. But make no mistake, she is very important to me.

Alexis can say that she doesn’t remember a time her parents were together in a family way, because her father and I divorced after a year and half’s marriage. One of the reasons being, I learned about the nightlife. The bar scene. The place to go to get away and not face anything.

When Lexi turned about 5 years I became pregnant by a man named “D” Becoming pregnant with a serious daily habit of smoking cigarettes and marajuana along with 2 to 3 nights of bar life was not in my plan. I wouldn’t realize just what I was about to be dealt in seven short months…


35 Replies to “The Whole Truth”

  1. You have been there for me Amy. I’m not going anywhere!

    My daughter Erin…we were told to abort the pregnancy because she had the extra chromosome that would have her coming out with a deformed head and webbed feet. I looked at me then wife and said no. Our baby will come out exactly as God wants her to. She came out perfectly beautiful.

    I will be in prayer for you as you prepare you story and throughout this journey.

    Love ya sis!

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Amy, I am so happy for you … proud even, that you for taking this on. I I’m certain that not only will you find greater levels of release and forgiveness, but that God will use your story to speak to and encourage someone else who has gone (or is going) through something similar. May his peace overshadow you in the process. ♥️

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Finding greater levels of release and forgiveness would be awesome! I know I have to speak out to obtain it but at the same time it’s terrifying and if you knew me I’m not the scared with my tail between my legs kinda girl. I’m a bold lion…with regrets

      Liked by 2 people

  3. This is quite a gutsy endeavor you’re taking on – and this from a guy who used to jump out of airplanes for a living. There is an old saying “As the twig is bent so grows the tree” – I don’t think anyone really understands how important it is to nurture our children. As I see people struggle with the consequences of their parents’ neglect it makes me understand what the Savior taught about those who mistreat little children – that it would be better that they (the malefactors) had a millstone tied around their neck and dropped into the deepest part of the ocean.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If I can continue my story without chickening out, you’ll find I am no better than those who raised me…but to God be the glory as He forgave me and changed me and this I must remind myself as I share my most deepest regrets. I’d rather jump out of a plane than do this, yes.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s tough to break the cycle. Both my mother and father weren’t raised by their parents as much as “dragged up” so they entered parenthood with a difficult hand of cards to play with. I wasn’t a perfect dad but I was able to avoid the worst mistakes simply because I learned early on observe and think before acting.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Amy, dear, you have walked where some have never tread. Our lives parallel if not cross in some ways. I look forward to your story. I will try to keep up with the series, but please know if I miss some its not because I have left, merely fallen behind. We are sisters in the family of God.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Just came across your blog today. I’ve read 4-5 posts already. You have a beautiful testimony…and you’re brave and courageous to share your story. I look forward to reading more as I map out how to share the more intimate details of my own story as well. Be blessed!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I will look at yours tonight! I liked the first one it said “Where will you be?” I’ve been working on a poem with that title! Sharing my testimony is not easy especially the next part.but must be done in order to heal, move on and help.others. thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Amy…I’m still kind of new to blogging. And just a few years old in the Lord…though I thought of myself as a Christian my whole life. One of the biggest lies of the enemy, that we’re ok in our religion and deception. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is Good News b/c of its simplicity! But Satan doesn’t want us to know that.

        Liked by 2 people

  7. Write what you need to write. It’s your blog. Your Life. And if the Lord is leading you to speak up on behalf of others, there is not telling who you will reach… even if they don’t find the strength to communicate. Praying for you and all those who read.

    Liked by 2 people

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