This goes out to K.E. who is on day 26 of sobriety. Today is a Saturday. For me in the past, that would have been excuse enough to use/party. And if it was a bad day then it was a good excuse. And if it was a good day, yes you guessed it, more of an excuse. Part of the problem for me, and maybe you can relate, was it became a routine. Friday and Saturday were the big party days, while Sunday was hangover and try to forget the things I did and said, day. It was like crawling out of a hole on Monday with my chin in my chest hoping not to see anyone that I may have hurt over the weekend.
I’ve heard it said before that when a person starts addictive behavior they stop maturing at that point and stay that “age” until they stop the addiction. So I was 20 years old for 15 years. And I can look back and say, yep I was. While others around me progressed and moved on with their lives and families, I on the other hand was always going through some turmoil (self induced, no doubt) wondering why I couldn’t be like them.
There are many regrets I could list, but where would that get us? Where we need to go is to a list of ways to make it through today. And if we have to, we make a list again the next day.
- Admit that, yes today I will think about using more than once. Tell yourself it’s ok that I thought about it a 100 times, that doesn’t make me a bad person. Makes me human. And hey maybe tomorrow I’ll only think about 99 times instead 100! Yay me!
- Make plans for your whole day. Start to finish. If you’re a list maker, write them down and mark them off. Gives you something to do and something to be accountable to. Boredom is addiction’s best friend.
- Try to walk away from conflicts around you. I said try, because it’s not always easy for us moms…but we can choose our battles with our kids and let some things slide on days that are harder to stay sober.
These are just some ideas. The ultimate thing that keeps you sober today is, you my friend! I can remember days of just collapsing on my bed fighting the mental battle to just go to the liquor store. In a matter of 8 minutes in my imagination, I got in my car, drove to the store, buying the bottle, opening it, drinking it, and regretting it. When I got up from those 8 minutes I felt drained like I just went to battle. But you know, I did! And I won! And the feeling of winning those battles is worth the fight!